I donât know if thereâs ever been a survey about the one word that parents from around the world use the most, but I know thereâs no need for any such survey. The word is âNo,â and no, thereâs no arguing that.
We say ânoâ all the time, every time. âNoâ is like a default reaction that comes out each time our kids open their mouth. It doesnât even matter what theyâre asking for, or even if theyâre asking for something, the answer is âNo.â
Frankly, if you ask me, I donât think itâs entirely the parentsâ fault. Kids are pretty dumb, and they ask some pretty daft things. My son asks if he can jump down from the top stair, he often wants to touch the cup of hot tea to make sure weâre not lying to him about it being hot, there are times when he wants to run behind a car, but weâre pretty sure weâre not raising a cute puppy, so we have to tell him no. We donât want him to hurt himself, after all. Parents are a concerned lot, we canât help but be. Weâre responsible for these small human beings that donât even seem human. Theyâre cute little monsters who have no idea what theyâre doing most of the times. Theyâre just having fun, and as parents, we canât help but spoil it a little bit by saying no.
But this is where we need to control ourselves a bit. Iâm not saying I let my son jump down from the top stair or run behind a car, but I did let him touch a cup of warm tea to make him understand about heat. Now he knows that he shouldnât be touching things randomly in the kitchen. Of course, this is just one example, but Iâm sure you get my point.
Thereâs nothing wrong with a kid picking up a stone and throwing it at a tree, we donât need to say no to that. So what if your kid picks up a show-piece at your relativeâs house where youâre visiting? Donât tell him or her to not do that. Let him, or her, pick something up and look at it. And if he or she breaks it, thereâs an upside to that as well â you wonât get called over to revisit those relatives.
Saying no to most of the things that our kids ask for or want to do just kills their curiosity. Children need to explore; theyâre curious beings whoâre seeing and experiencing most things for the first time. Theyâre not born knowing what a handful of sand feels like, they donât know that nothing will happen to a tree if a stone is thrown at it, theyâve no clue that daddyâs laptop will break if the lid is shut down with a bang. Iâve said no to the last example, but I donât see a need to say no to things like the first two.
If they donât explore, they donât learn. If they donât experience, they donât understand. So why say no when we know itâs not going to cause them harm? Let them fool around a little bit, let them break a couple of harmless things, let them have a little fun. All Iâm saying is, we parents need to say no to saying no all the time.
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I wrote this story for my sonâs school magazine.
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